


The Pool of Narcissus

by McKayRulez



Series: No Ship is Impossible [7]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Remix, Episode: s02e14 Grace Under Pressure, Language, Narcissism, Other, Past Child Abuse, Rare Pairings, Self-Acceptance, Self-Denial, Self-Discovery, Self-Esteem Issues, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-29
Updated: 2016-01-29
Packaged: 2018-05-17 00:52:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5847508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McKayRulez/pseuds/McKayRulez
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rodney's trapped in a sinking jumper.. With himself? - Rodney's subconscious is Rodney not Sam. - A different take on the episode: "Grace Under Pressure".</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Pool of Narcissus

**Author's Note:**

> Contains a little bit of language and some past violence memories.
> 
> This story was apart of a different story I had written awhile back on fanfiction.net, ("The True Self"), but I liked it better by itself. So I added to it so it would work as it's own short fic and decided to put it up here on this site separate. 
> 
> Hope you like it. :)

McKay continued to get frustrated at the small keyboard of his tablet. Suddenly, the jumper lurched with force, as it hit the bottom of the ocean. McKay fell down at the impact and groaned. He strangely heard the snapping of fingers... "Hey, you okay?" A familiar voice rang out behind him. He looked up startled and started to shake at who saw towering above him.

“No, no. This makes no sense. ” McKay touched the side of his temple. "It's the concussion isn't it?" You're just a hallucination! I'm not going crazy. You’re not real! You can’t be real!"

The hand of the other reached down and Rodney got hoisted up by the arm. “Do we feel real now?” His other self questioned with an eye roll.

McKay winced at hearing his own voice without actually speaking. He looked around the tiny jumper for help which the jumper couldn't provide, then asked. “What are you?”

His other gave him a look like he was stupid.. He waved his hands about as he spoke. “Hmm.. Lets think.. What are we?" He put his palm up and looked at it. "A wraith? Nope.”

McKay frowned at him with all this weird 'we' stuff. He crossed his arms. "You know what maybe I am going crazy! This is crazy!"

The other just raised an eyebrow at him then smirked. "Crazy like a fox."

McKay rolled his eyes at him, deciding this was getting him nowhere and tried to return to his work. "Are you going to help me out of here?" He asked as he went back to looking at the crystals.

"Don't you mean help, so we can 'both' get out of here?" The other crossed his arms, looking at him.

Rodney frowned at him strangely, still not completely convinced this wasn't from his head wound. "You're not real. You can go anywhere you want." Rodney pointed to himself. "Yours truly however can't."

The other frowned back at him. His mouth slanted. "We're real. Not, not.. real."

Rodney grinned his teeth frustrated as he continued to work on arranging the crystals and connecting cables. "You're still not helping. Make yourself useful if you wont leave."

The other rolled his eyes and made his way over to the door to check the sealing as water was starting to leak in.  
\----

"We've got micro fishers." The other said a little later, pointing a thumb to the bulk head door. He was soaking wet and shivering.

McKay looked over from his work and looked him over. "You okay?"

"Could use some heat.. Don't want to get hypothermia."

McKay nodded. "Right, right." He input the code watching the energy power timer slip away.

"We should also raise the pressure in here." He added. McKay nodded and did that as well.

They held their noses and popped their ears as the pressure increased.

The other sat next to him and leaned over his shoulder. "Thanks for asking."

Rodney looked up. The other was looking at him strangely, but in a kind way.

"I uh,.. Sure. No problem." Rodney responded. Not used to hearing the word 'Thanks'.

"Not many people care about our comfort. It means a lot."

Rodney looked at the other Rodney and frowned feeling sympathetic for him. Which was a strange since if was directed to himself and yet, not.

"I know what that's like." McKay relented.

"We know." The other nodded.

Rodney noticed the way his eye's where saying, 'Isn't it obvious?', 'We're you duh.' Even though he didn't actually say it. Or maybe it was because Rodney knew what he himself would probably think. Which was something he was still trying to wrap his brain around. This whole situation. All of it. It made no sense.

“Um can I ask something?.." Rodney asked, his fingers twitching in thought.

The other tilted his head, looking at him. Wondering if this was the perfect opening to distract his original from trying his stunt with the jumper that was doomed to fail. "Sure. What do you want to know."

"Who are you exactly?"

His look alike smirked and pointed a finger. “Now that is an interesting question.”

\---- Some Time Later----

McKay had crawled into a ball, as he listened to his other self rant about how terrible a person they exactly were.

“We like to act like we’re soooo great. That we’re sooo needed and important but we’re not. We’re pathetic.”

Rodney started to shake. “No.. No! That’s not true!”

His other continued his ranting. “We like to over exaggerate the problems we face, or how long it'll take to fix things just to make ourselves look better. Makes us feel like they’ll finally be impressed with us this time. That they’ll feel like they need us, but they don’t and never are impressed. There’s plenty of people that can take our place. Intelligence isn't everything to people.. We’re unkind to people. They never thank us, because no one cares for us just as we pretend we don’t for them.. We do the impossible in minutes and yet it matters nothing no to them. Then on the rare chance we fail everyone gets pissed or finds lack of trust in our abilities. Failure defines us more then our victories. Hundreds of city fixes, even ones that no one knows about, then one mistake and it's "You'll find a way to re-earn my trust'.. 'maybe'.”

Rodney put his hands over his ears and shut his eyes.

"Everything we try to do and even think where good at, we fail. Even at our love for the piano. We failed that too. We failed ourselves, our tutor, and our teachers. Remember what our parents always said? We can’t do anything right.” His other told him.

McKay felt tears in his eyes as his look alike kept saying things he didn't want to admit openly to himself. “Please stop.” He quietly begged.

His other stared at him quietly..

\------

Even without his other speaking the memories of the drunk rantings of his father rang through his head. He could even swear he could smell the liquor.

“You’re a worthless little twirp aren’t you? You kick like a woman. Look at you. So small, weak and pathetic. You’re mother was right, you know. I shouldn’t have stopped her. She should have aborted you. You worthless garbage. Can't get a fucking thing right.”

McKay started to sob as memories of the beatings and screams flashed through his mind.

"It's your fault!" *whack* "Your mother left me because of you!" *smack* "She wanted to get away from you!"

*Hears the crash of broken beer bootless over head.* "You fucking glutton pig! Eat me out of house and home! Get over here so I can whoop your fat pathetic ass!"

"Go! Get out! I don't care if your have to sleep on the damn curb! Just get out of my mother fucking house you whinny, good for nothing, bitch!"

\-----

He felt arms come around him and hold him. He leaned into his other. “No one wants us.” Rodney whispered as he shook. Tears streaming down his face.

“We do.” His other stated and started to pet his hair. McKay looked up at him with red, tear stained eyes.

“What?” Rodney asked.

His other looked at him thoughtfully. “It doesn’t matter what they think. If people have a problem with us that’s their problem… We need to stop trying to impress others.. and live for ourselves and our own happiness.”

McKay blinked and sniffled. “I’m happy.” His other gave him a look and Rodney sighed and relented.  
“Okay, maybe I haven’t been happy..”

“For a long time..” His other added.

Rodney looked to him. “Well what do we need to do?” He asked.

“We need to follow our bliss.”

"What do you mean?" Rodney asked. "I'm doing what I like to do aren’t I? I'm a scientist.. I'm learning so much.."

"Maybe.. But remember the real reason we turned to science?" His other asked patiently.

"Because I thought it was as far from an art as you could go.. But it turned out to be an art anyway."

The other nodded. "It wasn't because we liked science.. It was because we wanted to finally try something that we might be good at. To show people we could do something right."

Rodney nodded in understanding. "And where not going to care about what they think any more."

The other nodded and trailed his finger over the edge of Rodney's jaw. Gazing at his lips intently. "Just ourselves."

Rodney felt his cheeks burn at the intense gaze of his own blue eyes.

The other leaned over and caught his lips to his. Rodney was surprised for a moment but then he closed his eyes and moaned into the kiss.

He felt the hands of the other explore him. It was nice considering he knew just what he liked.

Rodney pushed the other Rodney down on the bench and looked down at him.

The water in the jumper had risen quite a bit to the point that it was just slightly level to the bench.

It made it appear like the other Rodney was floating on the surface, watching him... Waiting...

It reminded him of that old Greek myth of Narcissus, who gazed lovingly at his own reflection in the pool. Loving no one else but himself...

Rodney wondered if this was his subconscious working double time today. Trying to also telling him he was also a narcissist.

He shook his head. He had done enough deep subconscious thinking for the day, he thought as he stroked the side of his other self's face. He reached down and kissed him back.

Now.. He just wanted to be happy.

\----

He would find out later the other Rodney is real. His subconscious Rodney was created by strange energies given off by that alien metallic like sea plant the jumper landed next too.

No one could really understand how it could grow a body so quickly and without Rodney noticing.

If Rodney really thought about it though, he could remember some strange moss like plant masses floating and growing in the water around him. He just didn't pay much attention to it considering he was busy trying not to die and all.

People weren't exactly excited by the prospect of two Rodney's but the Rodney's didn't care what they thought.

They where just happy to have each other.


End file.
